things i currently have a “ban” on

Posted by on Aug 11, 2009 in Blog | No Comments
parade magazine: for publishing a front page story on benazir bhutto – more than a week after she was assassinated – without making any reference to the fact that she was dead.1
subway: initially for an indescribably annoying radio ad campaign set to the tune of “knick knack paddy whack”
doing things i wouldn’t normally do in order to meet girls: going on the radio equivalent of the dating game doesn’t work out for anybody involved. trust me.
ticketmaster: with one notable exception, i haven’t paid one of their bullsh*t fees in ten years.
the old/new world theater tweeter center first last middle west bank ampitheater: this place sucks.
northwest airlines, ata airlines, spirit airlines: the bane of my passenger existence
working for the man: the non-profit sector has it’s rewards, just not any monetary ones. at all.
ban roll-on deodorant: yeah, because it’s funny. but also because it s*cks.
metered parking spots in chicago: ben joravsky and mick dumke have an excellent three-part piece on this: http://www.chicagoreader.com/chicago/fail-parking-meters-lease-deal/Content?oid=1098561
macy’s: hey federated department stores – how’s that plan to save on marketing costs by using macy’s shopping bags instead of field’s bags working out for ya’?
frozen pizza: if you live in chicago and eat frozen pizza, then you don’t actually live in chicago – you live in the suburbs. no excuse for this when you have uno’s/due’s/gino’s/giordano’s/lou malanati’s/bacino’s/piece/pizza metro/dag’s/ian’s/etc.
red eye: read a real newspaper, would you? democracy needs your daily quarters.
also, because this publication is a f*cking rag.
circa 2002(?)
pretty sure my current ladyfriend would rather this particular ban stay in place for the foreseeable future
field day in new york#, summer of ’03, featuring radiohead, beck#, beth orton, spiritualized, beastie boys, liz phair, blur, and a cr#pload of others
in tinley park, il
now extinct! i beat you, you f*ckers
f*ck you, mare daley.
so far
or “infinite jest.” then you’ll understand why i’m using so many d*mn endnotes all of a sudden.

parade magazine: for publishing a front page story on benazir bhutto—more than a week after she was assassinated—without making any reference to the fact that she was dead.1

subway: initially for an indescribably annoying radio ad campaign2 set to the tune of “knick knack paddy whack,” but also because they make terrible sammiches.

doing things i wouldn’t normally do in order to meet girls3: going on the radio equivalent of the dating game doesn’t work out for anybody involved. trust me.

ticketmaster: with one notable exception4, i haven’t paid one of their bullsh*t fees in ten years.

the old/new world theater tweeter center first last middle west bank amphitheater5: this place sucks.

northwest airlines, ata airlines6, spirit airlines: the bane of my passenger existence.

working for the man: the non-profit sector has it’s rewards, just not any monetary ones. at all.

ban roll-on deodorant: yeah, because it’s funny. but also because it s*cks.

metered parking spots in chicago7: ben joravsky and mick dumke have an excellent three-part piece8 on this.

macy’s: hey federated department stores – how’s that plan to save on marketing costs by using macy’s shopping bags instead of field’s bags working out for ya’?

frozen pizza: if you live in chicago and eat frozen pizza, then you don’t actually live in chicago—you live in the suburbs. no excuse for this when you have uno’s/due’s/gino’s/giordano’s/lou malnati’s/bacino’s/piece/pizza metro/dag’s/ian’s/etc.

red eye: read a real newspaper9, would you? democracy needs your daily quarters.

notes

1 also, because this publication is a f*cking rag.

2 circa 2002(?)

3 pretty sure my current ladyfriend would rather this particular ban stay in place for the foreseeable future

4 field day in new yorka, summer of ’03, featuring radiohead, beckb, beth orton, spiritualized, beastie boys, liz phair, blur, and a cr#pload of others

5 in tinley park, il

6 now extinct! i beat you, you f*ckers

7 f*ck you, mare daley.

8 so far

9 or “infinite jest.” then you’ll understand why i’m using so many d*mn endnotes all of a sudden.

a actually giants stadium in new jersey

b he was on the bill, but fell backstage and broke his #ss and was unable to play. true story.